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Funny Stuff - by Arshad Perwaiz

 
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Dr. Shabbir
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Joined: 24 Dec 2006
Posts: 1331
Location: Florida, USA

PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 9:14 am    Post subject: Funny Stuff - by Arshad Perwaiz Reply with quote

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed a wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile....Somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned from her husband's funeral.

The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting condolence messages from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Reached

Date: 28 July, 2006

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here, and we are allowed to send e-mails to loved ones. I've just reached and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you TOMORROW!

Your loving Hubby........

How do these people survive?

ONE

Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an
order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets. "We
don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter. "You
don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So I
can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's right." So I
shook my head and ordered six McNuggets

----------------------

TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady
behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
"dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our
things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my
items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar code so
she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how
much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think I'll buy
that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and left. She had
no clue to what had just happened.

-------------------

THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and
pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing, she
said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card
number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

-------------------

FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need
some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery
to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they
(pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote
thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key
and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there
and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

--------------------

FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was
typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary told her. With
that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

--------------

SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was towed
into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair and the
whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the manager
what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the "cruise control"
and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

-------------

SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the central o ffice of a
large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems with
their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the branch
banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of my
terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

----------------

EIGHT
Police in Radnor , Pa , interrogated a suspect by placing a metal colander
on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The message
"He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy button
each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing the
"lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

------------------

NINE A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher
tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and it should be fine, the mother
says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to
emergency room!
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inspiron
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 10:15 am    Post subject: Mcdonalds Reply with quote

Salam Br Shabir

l noticed on one of your recent forums you mentioned eatting chicken nuggets at Mcdonalds. A while ago i read an article about 'halal' meat. But i was confused as to what exactly is 'halal' meat. i mean are we supposed to eat meat that has been salutered by mentioning Allahs name or are we supposed to mention Allahs name in the process of eatting the meat. Please forgive my spelling as i am tried, just come from work an logged on to check your site. i need sleep....
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Dr. Shabbir
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PostPosted: Wed Jun 04, 2008 6:24 pm    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Inspiron,

Here is the detailed answer to your questions.

HALAAL (Permissible) MEAT VS ‘ISLAMIC’ SLAUGHTER (ZABEEHA)
Many Muslims keep arguing about what they call ‘Halaal meat’ without even knowing the Qur’anic criteria. Most of those who reach the USA or Europe from other countries, or those who convert to Islam in the Western countries, are usually confronted by some Muslims, “Do not eat but the Halaal meat.” What do they really mean by Halaal meat? Nothing Qur’anic!
Most importantly, let us not equate Halaal with Zabeeha. The word ZABEEHA does not even appear in the Qur’an. God knew in His infinite Wisdom that the ways of slaughtering would keep changing with time.
16:115 He only prohibits for you the dead animal, blood, and swine-flesh and anything that has been dedicated to other than God….
16:116 Do not keep uttering in falsehood, “This is lawful and this is unlawful”, thus inventing lies against God. Those who fabricate lies against God, fail to prosper in their own ‘self’.
The upholding of any prohibitions not specifically mentioned in the Qur’an is nothing but idolatry. Such man-made restrictions represent some other god(s) beside God. If we obey God alone, we will uphold His laws alone and honor only His commandments. God very clearly mentions in the Qur’an what is prohibited from the food and meat.
2:173 He has forbidden you: dead meat (carrion), blood, swine-flesh, and anything (NOT JUST MEAT) that has been dedicated to other than God (be it a person, an idol or a tomb 5:3) …)
In addition to ignorance, the term “Halaal Meat” is a term often used for profits. Those calling their meat Halaal, are actually claiming that any other meat is not Halaal. And that the meat sold in the general groceries (supermarkets in the West) is not Halaal. They make more money on their products by selling it expensive. Ordinary Muslims get deceived that their meat is the only Halaal meat for them. God Almighty always knew that many Muslims would be living among People of the Book and sharing their food and for this reason God stated the following:
5:5 “Today, all good food is made lawful for you. The food of the People of the Book) is Lawful (HALAAL) for you……”
BEFORE EATING: God Almighty has also specified a simple criterion for His servants. Mention God’s Name on EVERYTHING you are going to eat. See 5:4, & 6:118-119.
6:119 Why should you not eat of that on which God’s Name has been pronounced (i.e. it is not dedicated to other than Him)?

NOT BEFORE SLAUGHTERING: Muslims have substituted God’s command (mentioning His Name on food before eating it) by a non-Qur’anic condition of their own making. They have made slaughtering (ZABEEHA) the ONLY lawful method of killing an animal for its meat. There is absolutely no such restriction in the Qur’an. As a result of this man-made restriction, the Mullah-minded Muslims and meat merchants insist that the Name of God must be mentioned on it before slaughtering an animal. The following observations prove that this imposed restriction is false and that it is non-Qur’anic:
01. The first reason is that unless you have slaughtered the animal yourself, you cannot be sure that the Name of God has been mentioned on the animal. Therefore, the only choice available is to mention God’s Name before eating.
02. Another reason behind mentioning God’s Name on our food before eating is appreciation:
16:114 So enjoy all the lawful and decent THINGS which God has provided for you. And be grateful for God’s bounty if it is Him you truly serve.
This act of appreciation for God’s blessings would not be genuine and heartfelt if we rely on someone else taking God’s Name somewhere in the slaughter house.
03. By reading 16:114, we note that the command of uttering God’s Name is related to whatever we eat, ANYTHING, and not just meat. This includes fruit, vegetables, or even snacks like cookies, biscuits or peanuts etc. Should we slaughter fruit, cookies and peanuts? So, the only way to obey God’s law is to take His Name before eating all foods.
04. Verse 5:5 makes it clear that God has made it Lawful for us to eat the food of People of the Book (Jews, Christians). As the Christians in particular do not take God’s Name before slaughtering, their food is still lawful for us. This can only mean that the duty is laid on each of us before eating our food and nothing else.
BLOOD: Muslims need to recall that People of the Book also consider blood as Forbidden. Whichever way the animal is killed for consumption, its blood either drains out or lodges in its veins. This blood is automatically removed during washing the meat. See that happen in a chicken you buy from a Christian merchant or from a Muslim pushing for ‘Zabeeha’ meat.
A HADITH DISCARDED: The Hadith lovers even discard their beloved Bukhari here: Sahaba Kiraam asked the Prophet, “People bring us meat and we do not know if God’s Name has been mentioned on it.” The Prophet (S) replied, “Say BISMILLAH and eat it.”
_________________
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SA
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inspiron
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 5:29 am    Post subject: Great...lets go to Mcdonalds Reply with quote

Salam Br Shabbir

Thank you for your indepth reply and of course it makes sense. All reasons you have stated are valid.

WS
PS cant wait for the chicken nuggets>>>>>

Dr. Shabbir wrote:
Dear Inspiron,

Here is the detailed answer to your questions.

HALAAL (Permissible) MEAT VS ‘ISLAMIC’ SLAUGHTER (ZABEEHA)
Many Muslims keep arguing about what they call ‘Halaal meat’ without even knowing the Qur’anic criteria. Most of those who reach the USA or Europe from other countries, or those who convert to Islam in the Western countries, are usually confronted by some Muslims, “Do not eat but the Halaal meat.” What do they really mean by Halaal meat? Nothing Qur’anic!
Most importantly, let us not equate Halaal with Zabeeha. The word ZABEEHA does not even appear in the Qur’an. God knew in His infinite Wisdom that the ways of slaughtering would keep changing with time.
16:115 He only prohibits for you the dead animal, blood, and swine-flesh and anything that has been dedicated to other than God….
16:116 Do not keep uttering in falsehood, “This is lawful and this is unlawful”, thus inventing lies against God. Those who fabricate lies against God, fail to prosper in their own ‘self’.
The upholding of any prohibitions not specifically mentioned in the Qur’an is nothing but idolatry. Such man-made restrictions represent some other god(s) beside God. If we obey God alone, we will uphold His laws alone and honor only His commandments. God very clearly mentions in the Qur’an what is prohibited from the food and meat.
2:173 He has forbidden you: dead meat (carrion), blood, swine-flesh, and anything (NOT JUST MEAT) that has been dedicated to other than God (be it a person, an idol or a tomb 5:3) …)
In addition to ignorance, the term “Halaal Meat” is a term often used for profits. Those calling their meat Halaal, are actually claiming that any other meat is not Halaal. And that the meat sold in the general groceries (supermarkets in the West) is not Halaal. They make more money on their products by selling it expensive. Ordinary Muslims get deceived that their meat is the only Halaal meat for them. God Almighty always knew that many Muslims would be living among People of the Book and sharing their food and for this reason God stated the following:
5:5 “Today, all good food is made lawful for you. The food of the People of the Book) is Lawful (HALAAL) for you……”
BEFORE EATING: God Almighty has also specified a simple criterion for His servants. Mention God’s Name on EVERYTHING you are going to eat. See 5:4, & 6:118-119.
6:119 Why should you not eat of that on which God’s Name has been pronounced (i.e. it is not dedicated to other than Him)?

NOT BEFORE SLAUGHTERING: Muslims have substituted God’s command (mentioning His Name on food before eating it) by a non-Qur’anic condition of their own making. They have made slaughtering (ZABEEHA) the ONLY lawful method of killing an animal for its meat. There is absolutely no such restriction in the Qur’an. As a result of this man-made restriction, the Mullah-minded Muslims and meat merchants insist that the Name of God must be mentioned on it before slaughtering an animal. The following observations prove that this imposed restriction is false and that it is non-Qur’anic:
01. The first reason is that unless you have slaughtered the animal yourself, you cannot be sure that the Name of God has been mentioned on the animal. Therefore, the only choice available is to mention God’s Name before eating.
02. Another reason behind mentioning God’s Name on our food before eating is appreciation:
16:114 So enjoy all the lawful and decent THINGS which God has provided for you. And be grateful for God’s bounty if it is Him you truly serve.
This act of appreciation for God’s blessings would not be genuine and heartfelt if we rely on someone else taking God’s Name somewhere in the slaughter house.
03. By reading 16:114, we note that the command of uttering God’s Name is related to whatever we eat, ANYTHING, and not just meat. This includes fruit, vegetables, or even snacks like cookies, biscuits or peanuts etc. Should we slaughter fruit, cookies and peanuts? So, the only way to obey God’s law is to take His Name before eating all foods.
04. Verse 5:5 makes it clear that God has made it Lawful for us to eat the food of People of the Book (Jews, Christians). As the Christians in particular do not take God’s Name before slaughtering, their food is still lawful for us. This can only mean that the duty is laid on each of us before eating our food and nothing else.
BLOOD: Muslims need to recall that People of the Book also consider blood as Forbidden. Whichever way the animal is killed for consumption, its blood either drains out or lodges in its veins. This blood is automatically removed during washing the meat. See that happen in a chicken you buy from a Christian merchant or from a Muslim pushing for ‘Zabeeha’ meat.
A HADITH DISCARDED: The Hadith lovers even discard their beloved Bukhari here: Sahaba Kiraam asked the Prophet, “People bring us meat and we do not know if God’s Name has been mentioned on it.” The Prophet (S) replied, “Say BISMILLAH and eat it.”
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PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:01 am    Post subject: Just about forgot to mention... Reply with quote

Salam

It just occured to me, what about fish?? we should not be eatting it if its not been 'halaled'. Thats a question i put forward to a friend and the reply was 'oh its clean because it lives in water'

Dr. Shabbir wrote:
Dear Inspiron,

Here is the detailed answer to your questions.

HALAAL (Permissible) MEAT VS ‘ISLAMIC’ SLAUGHTER (ZABEEHA)
Many Muslims keep arguing about what they call ‘Halaal meat’ without even knowing the Qur’anic criteria. Most of those who reach the USA or Europe from other countries, or those who convert to Islam in the Western countries, are usually confronted by some Muslims, “Do not eat but the Halaal meat.” What do they really mean by Halaal meat? Nothing Qur’anic!
Most importantly, let us not equate Halaal with Zabeeha. The word ZABEEHA does not even appear in the Qur’an. God knew in His infinite Wisdom that the ways of slaughtering would keep changing with time.
16:115 He only prohibits for you the dead animal, blood, and swine-flesh and anything that has been dedicated to other than God….
16:116 Do not keep uttering in falsehood, “This is lawful and this is unlawful”, thus inventing lies against God. Those who fabricate lies against God, fail to prosper in their own ‘self’.
The upholding of any prohibitions not specifically mentioned in the Qur’an is nothing but idolatry. Such man-made restrictions represent some other god(s) beside God. If we obey God alone, we will uphold His laws alone and honor only His commandments. God very clearly mentions in the Qur’an what is prohibited from the food and meat.
2:173 He has forbidden you: dead meat (carrion), blood, swine-flesh, and anything (NOT JUST MEAT) that has been dedicated to other than God (be it a person, an idol or a tomb 5:3) …)
In addition to ignorance, the term “Halaal Meat” is a term often used for profits. Those calling their meat Halaal, are actually claiming that any other meat is not Halaal. And that the meat sold in the general groceries (supermarkets in the West) is not Halaal. They make more money on their products by selling it expensive. Ordinary Muslims get deceived that their meat is the only Halaal meat for them. God Almighty always knew that many Muslims would be living among People of the Book and sharing their food and for this reason God stated the following:
5:5 “Today, all good food is made lawful for you. The food of the People of the Book) is Lawful (HALAAL) for you……”
BEFORE EATING: God Almighty has also specified a simple criterion for His servants. Mention God’s Name on EVERYTHING you are going to eat. See 5:4, & 6:118-119.
6:119 Why should you not eat of that on which God’s Name has been pronounced (i.e. it is not dedicated to other than Him)?

NOT BEFORE SLAUGHTERING: Muslims have substituted God’s command (mentioning His Name on food before eating it) by a non-Qur’anic condition of their own making. They have made slaughtering (ZABEEHA) the ONLY lawful method of killing an animal for its meat. There is absolutely no such restriction in the Qur’an. As a result of this man-made restriction, the Mullah-minded Muslims and meat merchants insist that the Name of God must be mentioned on it before slaughtering an animal. The following observations prove that this imposed restriction is false and that it is non-Qur’anic:
01. The first reason is that unless you have slaughtered the animal yourself, you cannot be sure that the Name of God has been mentioned on the animal. Therefore, the only choice available is to mention God’s Name before eating.
02. Another reason behind mentioning God’s Name on our food before eating is appreciation:
16:114 So enjoy all the lawful and decent THINGS which God has provided for you. And be grateful for God’s bounty if it is Him you truly serve.
This act of appreciation for God’s blessings would not be genuine and heartfelt if we rely on someone else taking God’s Name somewhere in the slaughter house.
03. By reading 16:114, we note that the command of uttering God’s Name is related to whatever we eat, ANYTHING, and not just meat. This includes fruit, vegetables, or even snacks like cookies, biscuits or peanuts etc. Should we slaughter fruit, cookies and peanuts? So, the only way to obey God’s law is to take His Name before eating all foods.
04. Verse 5:5 makes it clear that God has made it Lawful for us to eat the food of People of the Book (Jews, Christians). As the Christians in particular do not take God’s Name before slaughtering, their food is still lawful for us. This can only mean that the duty is laid on each of us before eating our food and nothing else.
BLOOD: Muslims need to recall that People of the Book also consider blood as Forbidden. Whichever way the animal is killed for consumption, its blood either drains out or lodges in its veins. This blood is automatically removed during washing the meat. See that happen in a chicken you buy from a Christian merchant or from a Muslim pushing for ‘Zabeeha’ meat.
A HADITH DISCARDED: The Hadith lovers even discard their beloved Bukhari here: Sahaba Kiraam asked the Prophet, “People bring us meat and we do not know if God’s Name has been mentioned on it.” The Prophet (S) replied, “Say BISMILLAH and eat it.”
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Dr. Shabbir
Site Admin


Joined: 24 Dec 2006
Posts: 1331
Location: Florida, USA

PostPosted: Thu Jun 05, 2008 8:31 am    Post subject: Reply with quote

Dear Inspiron,

The Qur'an declares the fish and all water life such as shrimp, lobster, clam, oyster, and crab Halal. They need no slaughtering either. Their withdrawal from water is their slaughter.

5:96 Lawful to you is all water-game. This is decent provision for you and for those who are traveling by sea. Do not pursue land-game during Pilgrimage. Be mindful of God to Whom you will be summoned. [Bahr = Sea = River = Any body of water]

Interestingly, shell-fish of all kind, shrimp, lobster, oyster, clams and crab are forbidden in the Old Testament. Influenced by the OT and against the Qur'an, many Mullahs wrongfully declare the shell-fish detestable (Makrooh).
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SA
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