Having watched Scrooge again on Christmas Day, here is the Christmas Carol version.
A great reminder of what I would label as a disease. This will make even more sense once you tune it to the following.
Pt 1 and Pt 2 links are provided if you have not been following this so far.
It worked up an appetite to bring forth the remaining residue to warrant Pt 3 of Once a (Sleazy) Needy, Greedy Scoundrel of a Miser known as Scrooge that I once was. I am so, so happy to have reformed and I hope this helps others too. Not judging others by my own standards by the way.
At the time I made lots and lots of cash surplus to my needs during my sky-high scams, equivalent to the Italian Job cashflow. I would walk around with bulging pockets that looked like outrageously giant overgrown moles on the outside of my upper thighs!
One mistake I made was that I was flashing my money around far too much, both verbally and practically due to unrestrainable excitement and the need to brag. It made me feel so, so powerful to be able to lend large amounts of cash to people and close friends. In other words, the deep subconscious reason for that I realise now was so that they were now in my control, at my unreserved beck and call. This was not really out of charity now that I come to think about it but a power and greed trip. A good analogy of this would be like a much trippier than a debate junky’s L to the C and from C to the D if you catch my drift.
An example, I voluntarily lent in stages large amounts of cash to a very close friend up to £15,000. When he could not pay it back as quickly as requested, I was urgently and foolishly influenced by my business partner to put a stop to his accounts in the scheme. This was really unfair on poor ‘Bila’ as we called him. (not this real name for obvious reasons). I found out afterwards that my friend was going to pay me but my business partner already had planned to run off with a big cut which he was not regularly putting into the bank that he was making us think he was. Because my friend ‘Bila’ had previously questioned him, based on his suspicions (as he was more switched on than me) my business partner then somehow persuaded me to take out my friend, out of the equation who he saw as the threat and I foolishly allowed him to, falling for it hook, line and sinker. He later fell out with me, basically engineered his way out, all planned.
Saying that essentially after doing just that my close friend could not then pay me. What I did was cut off my own nose to spite my face. To keep face, the really bad thing was that I told everyone that my close friend ‘Billa’ manipulated me and intentionally would not pay the £15,000 as all I saw was my need for greed to possess the lost money, again by hook or crook. He did eventually start paying back after my brother helped me out.
Oh, I also had a further scammed £80,000 with a religious Dari Wala Mullah, who spent it as he was also playing the game too in the scheme and spent it all on making Islamic Dawah videos, so he said. He effectively checked to mate me, that hurt my pride to no end, but I did not reveal it that way to others, how could I?
Every time I messed up, I tried to get a close friend and my older elder brother to help. However, I was faced with the questions (the ones that you dread like a camera zooming in on you, in a millisecond before you can even react, you know what I mean?). My elder brother asked, ‘Why did you not inform me or any of our other brothers about any of these ‘private commitments,’ angrily beforehand?’ Well, the truth of the matter was, like every similar multiple cases, I would not only demonstrate my dishonesty but more so I would be paranoid that I may then need to share or give out some cash and that is why I did not tell them. Strange, given that my friends and bother would not accept such cash in such circumstances anyway. I would tell them after everything messed up and beyond the point of being able to sort anything out. I was totally and ruthlessly unfair and selfish. All I would do was complain profusely that my brothers and friends were not supporting me. What an idiot I was at the time.
One disturbing thing was that it was almost as if I went past the point of no return in my relationships. For example, when I asked my loved ones to help. I provided only bits of information but as usual, mixed with some truths. When for example it came to a pre-arranged meeting to sort things out, some of the questions I just was unable to answer. In order to cover my dishonesty, my brother, in particular, I could see his face was going red in anger and embarrassment and later after he questioned me about it, I ended up screeching like a spoilt teenage girl (not being sexist) and saying really bad things to divert and deflect just because I had been caught out, as was the usual case. I think I upset him to no end.
Rather, I should have positively self-reflected and accepted and thanked my brother and friends for their help. This really bothers me when I think about it. I have since reformed and because I deeply disrespected my elder brother at every turn, both in attitude and behaviour so much so that when I was caught out in matters, I would create an escape route by starting an argument to divert and deflect like a spoiled child. Just as bad, when my brother agreed to talk to the person who owed me money, I afterwards complained to no end, saying things like, you should have said this and that causing a big argument, taking it out on him very unfairly indeed. Now I see his way was the right way and non-hostile. I started on a totally wrong-footing by doing demolition on my friends’ character, not solution-orientated by any means.
During this time, I remember when an attempt to pull on my forelock had failed after my elder brother seeing a disturbing manic look with dollars signs in my eyes. I was told to my face something I will never ever forget and take to my grave.
He said that I had such a sinister look in my eyes of distinct greed that he had never ever experienced before in anyone or neither in a movie. It was a look that would have even shamed and embarrassed the Shatan. He was right, I became the de-terminator on a mission to fulfil my materialistic plans. It was me, me all over, the kingpin inconsiderate and nothing was going to stop me from achieving my greedy realistic goals. In fact, I have always had this computer logic, good at thinking in binary, 0’s and 1’s but an absolute idiot when trying to work out family and other situations, zilch critical thinking that would be insulting to label a puppet with, hence I was a bona fide muppet. I have a sneaky feeling that even my now close friend, the mighty Wizard of 'us,' 'Sharosh' has some suspicions around what I have related to him and that he is coasting long out of compassion, looking at life in the bigger scheme of things.
One of my brothers was starting off with a new home (came with unforeseen problems) and I had all that money lying around and could have alleviated much of his stress and bought essential items for him. I held off due to sheer greed and did not help out when I should at his time of real need. I now have somewhat since reforming but with legit cash for a good job.
In fact, my elder brother tried to tug on my forelock due to my scams on several occasions I can tell you, but he couldn’t because it was a wig as I am as bold as Gold. Talking of which, I at the time was considering replacing my teeth with gold ones but I figured that my clients losing truck-loads of cash after investing in my pyramid scam may start getting suspicious and I may become immediately questionable.
Conclusion - a disease such as greed if not kept in check can spread and the message of Scrooge therefore should be related for the good of mankind, all year round.