Adam & Eve
Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"
Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?" God replied, "An arm and a leg." Then Adam asked, "What can I get for a rib?" Of course the rest is history.
Improving Your Math
A ten year old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to therapy, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school. After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked into the house with a stern, focused and very determined expression on his face. He went right past them straight to his room, where he quietly closed the door. For nearly two hours he toiled away in his room - with math books strewn about his desk and the surrounding floor. He emerged only long enough to eat. After quickly cleaning his plate, he went straight back to his room, closed the door, and studied feverishly until bedtime.
This pattern continued night after night until it was time for the first quarter report card. The boy walked in with his report card -- unopened -- laid it on the dinner table and went straight to his room. Cautiously, his mother opened it, and to her amazement, she saw a bright red "A" under the subject of Math. Overjoyed, she and her husband rushed into their son's room, thrilled at his remarkable progress.
"Was it the nuns that did it?", the father asked.
The boy only shook his head and said, "No."
"Was it the one-on-one tutoring?
"So what was is?" asked the father in desperation.
"Well," said the boy, "on that first day, when I walked into the classroom and saw the picture of what they'd done to the guy on the "plus sign", I just knew they meant business!"
Son of God
1. The legendary Maulana Rehmatullah Kairanwi of India was once involved in a debate with a Christian missionary. The missionary in his opening statement asked the Maulana, "Maulana Sahib, why did'nt God save his Prophet's grandsons when they were martyred at Karbala and did'nt Prophet Muhammad pray for their safety." The Maulana answered "God cried and said I could'nt even save my own son, how I can save your grandsons?"
2. Once a missonary on his way to run some errand hired a rickshaw. The rickshaw-puller happened to be a muslim. The christian preacher began to preach the Gospel to the R.P. The rickshaw puller got annoyed and asked the preacher "How many sons did God have?" The missionary answered "One". At this the rickshaw puller got more annoyed and said "I am a thirty year old poor rickshaw puller, I have twelve children. If your God is really as great as you claim him to be, then how come he has only one son?"