The New English Definitions!
It seems that a lot of our old definitions for things are just that:Old.
So a group of scientists (and comedians) have decided to create a new list of definitions for the new year!
Here are some of the new definitions we loved the most:
School: An institute where the child goes to play while the parent goes to pay.
Life Insurance: A contract that leaves you poor while you live so you can die rich.
Nurse: A woman that wakes you up in the middle of the night to give you sleeping pills.
Tears: The hydrolic force that women use to defeat men.
Confrence: One man's confusion multiplied by the number of people there.
Father: The banker nature gave children.
Politician: Whoever shakes your hand before elections and your wallet after elections.
Doctor: A person who kills your disease with pills and you with bills.
Compromise: The art of dividing the cake in a way that makes everyone believe they got the largest piece.
Mosquito: The only insect that makes you prefer flies.
Etc: The word that makes people think you are smarter than you really are.
Atom Bomb: The invention to end all other inventions.
Yawn: The only time married men are allowed to open their mouth.
Philosopher: A masochistic fool who will be considered a genius once dead.
An adult: A person who has stopped growing from either end and now just grows in the middle.
Diplomat: A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Chicken: The only animal we eat before it's born as well as after it's dead.
Fancy restaurant: The only restaurant that serves you cold soup on purpose.
Puddle: A small body of water that attracts other small bodies wearing dry shoes.