MODERATORS : This is the only place I can connect with such brilliant minds, rational thinkers, well experienced and settled in different parts of world, all put together. I seek some humility if you feel this post inappropriate.
Let me put my story in a short way.
A boy from India. Middle class family. Good looks (as others say).
At age 15 in 2004. Reads Quran daily (with understanding). Offered Namaaz (ConsiderED it Islamic, Ibadah of Allah, helpful in character building by punctuality, discipline etc.)
Have friends, some talk dirty about girls but he, ignoring them, maintains respect for girls. No Eve teasing.
Once saw a girl amongst relatives (she came from Gulf). Good looks. Decent. Notices her attitude. (Honestly, No eve teasing.)
Likes her. But the same time, Remembers that Allah says to be good in character and get mature first(deduced from verses).
2005, (thinks he should put it in her mind at least, what if she starts liking some1 else or …. Ah confused !). Tells her what he feels and that when he 'stands' in life in some years, be able to take her responsibility, would like to ask his parents and then her parents to take her as 'life partner'.
She considers it.
I keep studying, keep her in mind, keep building character (eschewing wrong thins), do not look at any other girl (in 'that' sense). Prays to Allah that she be good for me and I be good for her.
2007. She comes to India again. She feels for me the same way.
I talked to one of my Grand parent. She approves but tells me to become capable to lead a good life first.
We get together in a way. Play indoor games etc etc. ( All 'hormonal pressures' (so to say) reserved for 'after marriage' ) ( Holding hands, hugs were there though. )
Ques 1 : Does that make me evil/impure ? (24:26)
She goes back to Gulf in few days. Then further abroad and studies in Northern America.
All this time. I observed that I have to be a good muslim. Always thought that I have to be able to live with her as per the Commands of Allah in Quran because we were deprived of the actual Islam (not N2I). Thought will give gifts to her as said in Quran. Will have kids with her and give them an Islamic (Quranic) knowledge. Every single thing that a man can think of with a 'girl as life partner', family, kids, society, enjoyment, etc etc,, I wanted to be able to have them with her within the purview of Islam.
I0:9 Surely, those who choose to believe and work to increase the human potential, their Lord guides them by virtue of their conviction (that no good deed goes to waste) Rivers will flow beneath them in the Gardens of Delight.�
[A’maal Saaleh = Deeds that increase the individual and collective potential of a society = Helping people = Improving the environment = Fulfilling others’ needs = Contributing to the society = Correcting a deficiency]
I wanted to develop my 'self' and be a good partner to her, helpful to develop her 'self'.
2011, She leaves me saying that parents wont agree. I am still doing engineering in India. I know she does not like India because of the system here is full of problems.
I am unable to forget her. My parents know. I cannot think of anyone else as a life partner. I know Allah says that in Quran do hearts find peace .. But .. Things I did considering her as future life partner.. The plans I made. The songs I sang. I am unable to think that I will be doing them for anyone else. And I am afraid that I will be unjust with the other girl.
Allah tells us to strive and struggle in HIS CAUSE. I think of this as striving at personal level first, then with the life partner, then with family, then with society. Contributing from personal 'self' to collective 'society' in my limits.
Now considering myself alone, I already am doing what I can; for my personal self and for the society and will keep doing.
But with her as partner, I could do more. Then by having kids, I could do it within my family and try to put such efforts in my generation.
Ques 2: Since my intentions are to live according to Quran taking her as life partner, and knowing that she somehow still feels for me, Do I become like a coward and just simply let her go ?
Am i wrong in relating this with Jihaad ?
Ques 3 : Is it necessary to get married according to Quran ? Can I still be a Muslim if I do not get married.
Parwez Sahab did not get married. (as far as I know). He gave preference to Allah's Cause and do research and help society know the true picture of Islam.
Right now I am not even close to his knowledge and work. The society I live in and the system I am in, I will keep trying but cannot imagine myself having achieved that much. Although I will keep learning.
Ques 4 : Since the system in countries like India or Pakistan is currently not as good as they could be, Do you think that for living, if I can I should move to places like USA, or UK or Canada ? With the intention and purpose of being in a better system. A system in which people get more opportunities and ease to develop their potential (self) ? Is it better there ?
4:97 As for those who wrong their own ‘self’ by not striving until the angels (the Laws of death) approach them, they are asked, “What kept you occupied?” They say, “We were weak and oppressed in the land.” The angels say, “Was not the earth of God spacious enough for you to migrate?” As for such, their habitation will be Hell, a miserable destination.�
Dear Shabbir Sahab, Jawaid Sahab, Mubashir Sahab. Kindly assist me if it is worth considering to leave the country and try to settle to such places.
I am almost completing my engineering and can only go to such countries on study basis for masters and then work because I have no one to help me with job.
Thanking you for your long time.