Dear Abby, Salamun alaikum
Your story touches the heart.
I pray my best for you.
WHAT IS SATAN?
I most humbly seek shelter with God against the promptings of all evil sources including my own ego.
[Shayitaan = Satan = The straying Ego = Selfish desires = Desire that rebels against the higher controls of sound judgment = Emotions that overpower Permanent Moral Values = Intrinsic or extrinsic evil prompting = Negative peer pressure = Violent emotions = Self-glorification = Anything distant from goodness and progress = False pride = A rumor monger = Fiery temperament = Slanderer = A hinderer of good = He who spreads corruption and disorder on earth = Anyone who impels others into violating Divine Commands = A hinderer of good = Bad companionship = One who deceives or charms people into violating Divine laws = Any being or influence that alienates humans from the Creator = One who distances itself from Divine grace. 2:14, 4:38, 4:60, 4:83, 4:119, 5:90-91, 6:43, 6:143, 7:200, 17:26-27, 22:3-4, 25:28-29, 31:21, 67:5. In Hebrew, Satan = Adversary = One who plots against another]
2:168 (Declaring things permissible or forbidden is trying to ‘rival’ God.) O Mankind! Partake and enjoy the lawful and decent things of the earth, and do not follow the footsteps of the Satan. Indeed, he is an open enemy to you.
[Satan, the rebellious desires, and satanic people lead people into transgressing. Mubeen = Open = Obvious = Known = Sure 7:22]
2:169 He teaches you to create inequities in the society, lewdness and stinginess amounting to shame, and that you should say about God what you do not know. [Fahasha = Lewdness = Stinginess to the point of shame = Indecent acts. The satans in the society set up rules contrary to the Divine revelation. They make their own lists of permissible and forbidden and teach people that accumulation of wealth is perfectly alright. Nay, spend on God’s servants all that is beyond your needs. 2:21-22, 2:219, 41:10]
Satan is our selfish desire. The exalted Messenger is reported to have said, "Every person has a Satan/Iblis within." The noble companions asked, "Even you O Messenger of Allah!" He said, "Yes! I have made it Muslim". This obviously means that he had absolute control over his desires in submission to Allah's Commands.
Likewise, we must make our Satans Muslims.