Our Beacon Forum

Weird Rules :-)
By:Hasan Shabbir
Date: Saturday, 21 November 2009, 4:46 pm

The following are called natural universal laws or rules because they work for everybody. They apply to most of us most of the time irrespective of age, sex, and educational level, nationality, color of skin or geographical location.

They are not mentioned in any book, nor taught by any teacher. We know them by observation and experience

1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.

When your hands are coated with grease, you have a strong urge to scratch your nose or pee.

Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, nut, bolt, screw, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

3. Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

4. Law of Probability -The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

5. The chances of being watched are directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.

6. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.

Whenever you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged signal.

7. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.

8. Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now (works every time).

If you change queue (or traffic lanes), previous will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

9. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.

Telephone always rings when you are in shower.

10. Law of Close Encounters -The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

The chances of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don’t want to be seen with.

11. Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.

If you try to prove to someone that a particular machine doesn’t work, it will.

12. Law of the Theater and Hockey Arena - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last and they are the ones who will leave their seats several times to go for food, beer, or the toilet and who leave early before the end of the performance or the game is over while those in the aisle seats come early, never move once, have long gangly legs or big bellies and who stay to the bitter end of the performance and beyond.. The aisle people also are very surly folk.

At any event, if you choose an aisle seat, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.

13. The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

Whenever you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.

14. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers.

15. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.

16. Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

17. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the clothes fit, they're ugly.

18. If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

19. Oliver's Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.

20. Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.

21. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick..

22. No matter where you go, there you are.

23. The chances of ketchup, coffee and gravy spilling on your dress is directly proportional to the newness, color and cost of the dress

24. In emergency, the hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

25. Cockroaches come from the neighbor’s place.

26. Within 4 weeks of the conception and postponement of your brilliant and lucrative idea, it will be reported in the popular press as having been successfully and rewardingly implemented by a person with less talent and less productive need than you.

27. When we think of problems, they grow, but if you laugh at them, they go away.